[FONT="]M[/FONT][FONT="]y neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that - 2:30am?! [/FONT] [FONT="]Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. [/FONT] [FONT="]============= [/FONT] [FONT="]I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. [/FONT] [FONT="]I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection... but she did. [/FONT] [FONT="]============= [/FONT] [FONT="]Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? [/FONT] [FONT="]All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. [/FONT] [FONT="]============= [/FONT] [FONT="]Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." [/FONT] [FONT="]"Blow that" says Mick - "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" [/FONT] [FONT="]============== [/FONT] [FONT="]My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. [/FONT] [FONT="]Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. [/FONT] [FONT="]=============== [/FONT] [FONT="]I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. [/FONT] [FONT="]At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified. [/FONT] [FONT="]================ [/FONT] [FONT="]What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? [/FONT] [FONT="]One's a superhero and the other is an instruction. [/FONT] [FONT="]=============== [/FONT] [FONT="]I was explaining to my husband last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. [/FONT] [FONT="]He said "I would like to come back as a pig." [/FONT] [FONT="]I said "You're obviously not listening." [/FONT] [FONT="]============= [/FONT] [FONT="]Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. [/FONT] [FONT="]It's called a wedding cake. [/FONT] [FONT="]============== [/FONT] [FONT="]I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said "I love you." She said "Is that you or the beer talking?" [/FONT] [FONT="]I replied "It's me talking to the beer." [/FONT]
None of those are actually one-liners a la "throwing acid is wrong...in some people's eyes"...but thanks for playing...