one liners ....

[FONT=&quot]M[/FONT][FONT=&quot]y neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that - 2:30am?!
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[FONT=&quot]Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
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[FONT=&quot]=============
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[FONT=&quot]I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
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[FONT=&quot]I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection... but she did.
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[FONT=&quot]=============
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[FONT=&quot]Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
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[FONT=&quot]All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
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[FONT=&quot]=============
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[FONT=&quot]Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."
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[FONT=&quot]"Blow that" says Mick - "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
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[FONT=&quot]==============
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[FONT=&quot]My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]===============
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[FONT=&quot]I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
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[FONT=&quot]At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]================
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[FONT=&quot]What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]===============
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[FONT=&quot]I was explaining to my husband last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
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[FONT=&quot]He said "I would like to come back as a pig."
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[FONT=&quot]I said "You're obviously not listening."
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[FONT=&quot]=============
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[FONT=&quot]Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten.
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[FONT=&quot]It's called a wedding cake.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]==============
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said "I love you." She said "Is that you or the beer talking?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I replied "It's me talking to the beer."
[/FONT]

 

None of those are actually one-liners a la "throwing acid is wrong...in some people's eyes"...but thanks for playing...