Worst joke in the world ever...............maybe ?

Essex burd Sharon is involved in a serious car crash.

She regains consciousness with a paramedic standing over her.

How many fingers have I got up? askes the paramedic.

OH MY GOD! screams Sharon.....Im paralysed from the waist down!!!

 

A mate of mine found a woman tied up on the railway linethe other night.. so he un-tied her and took her home, i said "you get a blow job?" he said " nah, i couldn't find her head "

 

What do you call an asian with a pink beard?




































Ghandi Floss

Best thread ever

 

Two parrots sat on a Perch, one says to the other "do you smell fish?"<!--
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any one hear about the dyslexic drunk who choked to death on his own vimto!!!

 

two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other.....


"Does this taste funny to you?"





Two snowmen in a field, one says top the other...


"Can you smell carrots?"





VVVVVVV POOOOR

 

TRY THESE ON FOR SIZE!!!


-Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.


-What do you call a fish with no eyes?


A fsh.


-"Doc, I can't singing "Thr Greeg, Green Grass of Home."


"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."


"Is it common?"


"Well, it's not unusual!!"


-A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you but don't start anything!"


-A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.


After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


And last but not least......


-Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot mostof the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...(Oh man, this is so bad it's good)...


A SUPER CALLOUSED FRAGILE MYSTIC HEXED BY HALITOSIS!!!

 

Mmmm.... I am sure that I have seen that one somewhere before........

 

Whats small, pink, and hairy, and ends in U N T



Runt !!



Sorry :<

 

Sorry to any french, I love you really!


How many people does it take to defend Paris?








Don't know it's never been tried!


____________________________________________________________ ___________


Why do Frenchman have moustaches?








So they can look like their mothers!!

 

A Jewish man gets hit by a car.A paramedic comes rushing over and asks the man 'are you comfortable?'


The Jewish man replis 'I make a good living'!!

 

How did Darth vader know what Obi Wan Kanobi was getting for Christmas ?














He felt his presents

 

What did the Dad buffalo say when he left his son.


















Bison

 

Dave well seen this is your thread, that buffalo one was f**king terrible

Alan

 

I write Christmas cracker jokes in my spare time.Hence this thread ,I need more cr@p jokes.

 

Q.How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 2
Do you know why?




















IT JUST DOES OKAY!!!??



Q. What do essex girls use for sexual protection

A. Bus shelter

 

Why did the blonde keep checking her letterbox?


Cos her computer kept telling her she had mail!





Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Rocher?


They both come in a Posh box!





What do you give an Essex girl who has everything?


Penicillin!





How does an Essex girl get rid of excess pubic hair?


She spits it out!





.... for starters lol
Edited by: Beckie

 

sorry, but i actually laughed at this one

 

I couldnt read all 5 pages as I simply have time so apologies if this has already been added!!

What do you call a sheep with no legs???











A cloud!!!





Some of these are really bad...... true christmas cracker material ha ha ha!!!!