Best excuse’s to pull a sickie from work?

Whats the best excuse to pull a sickday from work

like having the Squits
or
crap ones like cold/flue

 

Umm one thats embarsing, say you met a girl the other night when you went for a drink, and one thing led to another, then say you woke up and had a rash on ya nuts and booked ya self into the std clin They wont ask questions lol.

 

Death in the family, have to drive to see the rest of the family. They never hassle you over that.

 

Oh aye - and if your boss has voicemail, ring it at about 4 in the morning and say you just got the news - makes it much more convincing.

 

the other night, took my birthday off as a sicky, said the gf got me a chinesse, and it didn't agreed with me giving me a upset stomach and rectum

 

That's the oldest and least believable in the book - you may as well ring in and say "I've got a fucking raging hangover".
If you are going to claim you have the squits, make it as gruesome as possible - "I've got explosive diahorrea, the whole bathroom looks like something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre....."

 

sorry boss i cant come in today ive got a swollen testicle after you came home early last night and i was with your missus giving her the pony you never could, when the door closed i jumped into the wardrobe forgetting to allow the extra split sec for my nads thus nipping the only place that can make a man cry....
should be back on monday, have a nice day.
Edited by: cordobabrendy

 

3 of my tyres got slashed last night...unless of course you live within public transport of your work..in which case...I have gastorentoritis..had the doctor out last night and has said not to eat for a while until i can keep down fluids

My gran died..works for a limit of 2 times only....grandads can then be used.

My partner left me for another..man/woman...

any more req'd?

 

tonsilitas is my favourite i get it all the time so boss thinks it genuine

as i dont take any tablets i always get few days off till im better coz it can be passed on he dont want me taking whole office out

 

Bloke rings up his boss, says "I can't come to work today I'm sick" His boss says "how sick are you?" Bloke replies, "I'm in bed with me sister"

 

pull the stress at work cord if u want long term mate

doctors give sick notes out like sweets now a days

 

Phone up and say..

Damn my water pipe burst at 5am this morning in the loft, I turned the stop cock off and now I have to wait for an emergency plumber to come out but he can't give me a time and I have to wait in for him. Besides I have to clear up the mess the water made..

 

I once phoned up the agency and told one of the consultants that it'd be a good idea if I didn't go into work that day.

When they enquired why, I simply told them that I would find it particularly difficult not to punch my boss due to the previous day (Yes, I did want the sack!).

To my amazement, the girl on the other end didn't even flinch or react, and simply talked through the incident with me, and I was in work within the hour.
I guess I came to my senses, and she had the most seductive voice EVER.

I bet if I'd rang my manager direct and told him that, there'd have been a different outcome!

 

"Eye infection... Can't wear my contact lenses... Don't have any glasses... I can't see" worked for me on Saturday.

Tom

 

The best in my opinion is simlply "family trouble", with a trembling kinda voice....bosses don't question such touchy subjects....but u can only limit the amount of times that can be used!!!

 

ive just said iv had a raging hangover and cant be arsed before

other one include seeing a child being run over by a car infront of me and
i spent the day in hospital looking after him until his parents got there.
This works best with female bosses, plus if there is anything in the paper
u can grab the next day even better.

 

Tore the banjo string while knocking one off, Im sure they wont want to check

 

Guy I worked with buried four of his grandmothers in as many years.
And in a position to recieve such phone calls I can confirm that if you do phone in sick you may get sympathy on the end of the phone but thats about it.
IMO the best way to pull a sicky is to go to work then say you don`t feel well(enter your ailment)and that looks far better than woosing out by phoning.
Edited by: DAVE 2227

 

Ouch [:^(]